


Red Right Hand

by orphan_account



Series: The Exiles [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Mental Health Issues, Narti Deserved Better, Past Acxa/Lotor, Past Acxa/Narti, Past Zethrid/Narti, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queerplatonic Relationships, Season/Series 04, Shiro (Voltron) Has a Clone, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Keith (Voltron), past sheith, tagging galra relationship structure is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 01:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13089453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Keith flies away from the aftermath of a battle that almost took his life, and he's hailed by a voice he knows and has no reason to trust. Acxa wants sanctuary while she puts the pieces of herself back together, and she doesn't trust Keith either --but things have a way of not working out like we want them to.Thanks to BrittanyChayanne, Mikiri and crimsren for their help betaing this!





	1. Sanctuary Seeker

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Voltron Rarepair Bang! The art will be following soon, and I worked with sonshinbrow :)
> 
> TW for: mental health issues/recurring suicidal thoughts, PTSD, violence, and some nudity/implied sexuality in later chapters.

He was miles away from the battlefield by now, his coms still full of the shrieks and laughs of victory. He'd checked in with them - told them with a shaking smile that everything was fine, that he'd meet them back at the Castle, that they could figure it out -

 

-and Keith turned off the radio, sat back, and pressed his hands to his face. He wasn't going to cry. He was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was -

 

Everything was fine. Even if his bones felt like they were shattering from the inside out. Even if he couldn't stop  _ shaking. _

 

_ I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die - _

 

The mission came first. It was for the mission.  _ For the mission. For the mission _ . If he kept saying it over and over again maybe he'd stop feeling so  _ dizzy. _

 

He cautiously flicked the radio back on. Nothing. He was out of range. He'd forgotten how fast these cruisers moved. He was too far away for Shiro to yell at him, for Matt to reach him with his concern (Matt knew, Matt had  _ known  _ what he was about to do, and he didn't want to think about whether Matt would tell the others or not - he didn't think about whether or not the others would  _ care.  _ Of course they would. Right?)

 

(Keith couldn't help but remember the way they'd looked at him when he'd come back that last time. Backs turned. Shoulders tense. Angry. At him. Because of him.)

 

(Of course they'd care.)

 

Then, through the radio came a burst of static. Keith dragged his hand down his face. He really, really didn't want to talk to anybody. There was a message coming through anyway, and he looked up at his screen as the Galran letters appeared, one by one. Regris had taught him enough Galran for that (and he didn't want to think about Regris either) but it took him a few moments to decipher.

 

<HEY, KIDDO.>

 

Kiddo. He didn't like that.

 

<I KNOW YOUR SECRET.>

 

A drop of ice ran down his back, cutting through the claustrophobia. Secret. He had a couple too many of those.

 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, then wiped away some of the moisture from his eyes (he refused to call it crying) and picked up the connection. 

 

"Alright, you got my attention." He tried to put as much of a Galra rasp to his voice as he could. Just in case.

 

"Oh, excellent. It worked."

 

Oh dear. Keith tried not to curse. He  _ knew  _ that voice. Not that he could place from  _ where,  _ or particularly well - but he'd definitely heard it. "What do you want?"

 

"I'm on the dark side of the Exoron moon, looking for a ride. So why don't you come set your ship down nice and gently -"

 

Keith hung up on her. Mostly out of spite.

 

At least he wasn't  _ crying  _ anymore.

 

\----

  
Keith did not ‘set his ship down nice and gently’; instead, he flew low over the surface until he found what he was looking for. One lone Galra fighter, an armoured figure outside… He had to admit, he was tempted to run her over.

 

He scanned as far around as he could. Nobody else. So it seemed it was a trap, it wasn’t an obvious one. Of course, most traps weren’t obvious, since that would defeat the entire point. He doubted he would be living down Thayserix any time soon - at least if Lance had anything to do with it. But they'd made it pretty clear what they thought of him as a leader. He didn't -

 

“Down here,” came the crackle through his communicator. He was glad for the distraction.

 

“Yeah, I see you.” She was standing outside of her fighter with her hands on her hips. Even with her helmet up, she was impossible to miss - you didn’t yank somebody out of the stomach of a giant space worm and forget what they looked like.

 

“So? Are you picking me up?”

 

“Do I look like an idiot?”

 

“Technically speaking -”

 

“What do you want?” Keith snapped. He was tempted to shoot her now and be done with it.

 

“Tea and biscuits?”

 

Keith sighed, trying to keep his cool.  _ Patience yields focus.  _ The words didn't have the same power now that thinking about Shiro  _ hurt  _ so much. “Alright. What’s this about knowing my secret? What do you want? And cut the bullshit.”

 

The general was silent below. Then she slowly took the blaster from her belt, and set it down on the ground. “…Sanctuary,” she said finally, in a weary voice. “I want sanctuary.”

 

“…Sanctuary?” Keith landed his ship, squinting through his windshield. She didn’t look like she was about to do anything stupid, but… “Are we using that word in the same way?”

 

“Now who needs to cut the bullshit?” she snarled. “I want protection, you idiot. Do I need to spell it out with a blaster to your forehead?” She was  _ definitely  _ on edge, which didn't bode well.

 

“Yes, you’re sounding very trustworthy right now.”

 

“I’m  _ Galra _ . This  _ is  _ trustworthy.”

 

Keith sighed, but he discovered with some confusion that there was a smile twitching at the corner of his lips. “So what am I doing? Letting you onto my ship so you can steal some more stuff?"

 

There was a scoff over the radio. “I helped you collect that scaultrite and now you call me a thief?”

 

“You took it without asking. That’s called thievery.”

 

She sighed, holding her hands high. “Can you hurry it up?” She sounded awfully nervous.

 

"Who are you on the run from?"

 

She didn't respond at first. One of her hands tightened in on itself, thumb rubbing at the palm of her glove. Then - "Everybody."

 

He bit his lip, then with a groan, turned off the ship's engines. "Alright. I'm coming out. I want those hands where I can see them." He raised his Marmora mask, grabbed his sword, and advanced out the side. "Kick that blaster over to me."

 

"Yes,  _ sir, _ " she drawled, and Keith suppressed the little twitch at that. She slid the blaster over the rocky ground to him, and he picked it up, training it on her head. He was a terrible shot, but she didn't know that. Probably. He hoped not. Worst came to worst he could just stab her. "I thought you were a paladin, Red. What happened?"

 

"I thought you worked for Lotor."

 

He couldn't see her expression, but he could see the way she tensed up at that. "Fair play, Red. So how are we playing this?"

 

"You're getting on my ship, first."

 

"Your ship? Hmm, bit of a step down from a Voltron lion, isn't it-?"

 

"Get your ass inside before I shoot you."

 

"Now who has a temper?" she teased, and his back prickled, because he didn’t know how to take that either. He was tempted to beat it out of her, but to be entirely honest, he wasn’t sure if he could. But she listened to him, lowering her arms and walking into the cruiser without any more of a fight -

 

“Hold up.”

 

“Yes?” she sighed.

 

He walked up behind her, and wrapped his fingers around the handle of the knife in the back of her belt, yanking it out. "That's better."

 

"I can't even have  _ one  _ weapon?"

 

"No. Put your hands behind your back."

 

She sighed, but did so, wiggling her fingers at him. "How do you even  _ have  _ handcuffs anyway?"

 

He flushed. "They're useful to have around."

 

"I  _ bet  _ they are."

 

"How much do I have to pay you to stop talking?" Maybe he took a little too much joy from clasping the handcuffs around her wrists and frogmarching her up into the ship - but hey. A guy was allowed to be spiteful now and then.

 

She ducked her head as they came into the cruiser - and then she huffed with indignation as Keith yanked her to the side. "Really?"

 

"Yes, really. I've seen you in action." He undid the handcuffs and chucked them over the high railing before clipping them back together. "I'm not giving you an inch."

 

"What made  _ you  _ so paranoid?"

 

Keith managed to stop himself from reacting outwardly. Instead, he reached for the neck of her helmet and pushed the button. It vanished with a glimmer of purple, and her - somewhat irritated, a little bit smug - face appeared, hair poofing out and falling over her face. He’d never  _ seen  _ a Galra with actual hair before. 

 

“Why do you have  _ yours  _ up?” The Galra general jerked her chin at the Marmora mask he still had up. “I already know who you are. There’s only so many sulky human brats in this corner of the universe.”

 

He sat down in the pilot’s seat, spinning to face her with crossed arms. This was a more comfortable distance. It meant he wasn’t focusing on the curve of her cheekbones, or trying to decide if she looked more or less human. “Yes, and I don't know  _ how  _ you knew it was me. Start talking.”

 

She snorted. “Right. I’m getting interrogated by a human teenager.”

 

“I’m eighteen.”

 

“ _ Cycles? _ Oh my god. Is it too late to change my mind?”

 

“Yes.” Keith held the blade he’d taken from her between his fingers, spinning it idly. “Let’s start easy. What's your name?"

 

“I willingly give myself up to you and you act like some cackling villain. How  _ melodramatic _ .”

 

"Says the person who beamed 'I know your secret' to a random Galra cruiser."

 

She snorted. "It wasn't random. You fly it the same way you fly your lion. It's how I knew you flew the black one for a while. You're a self-taught pilot, aren't you?"

 

He froze at that, blade stumbling between his fingers. "I - you can tell that easily?"

 

"Only if I'm paying attention. I figured a lone cruiser stumbling away from a battle wasn't an Empire soldier."

 

_ Victory or death.  _ That was right. "I asked your name," he hissed through gritted teeth. "Stop being difficult."

 

“You’re the one who put me in handcuffs.”

 

“Yes, and you and your pals have tried to kill us on multiple occasions.” He jabbed the knife in her direction. “Name.”

 

She sighed. “Acxa.”

 

“Ac-what?”

 

“See? This is why we don’t tell you shit. Because you’re human, and stupid. Ok-sha. Acxa.” Then she narrowed her eyes, a smirk growing on her face. “Then again, you’re not entirely human, are you?”

 

Keith’s blood ran cold. So that was what she meant by secret. Damn Hunk and his big mouth - he’d been talking about it in the Weblum. All over the Weblum. “…Does it matter?” he said, trying to shrug it off.

 

“You’re an awful actor, Red.” She smirked. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

He turned back to the controls. “You’d better hope so.”

 

Okay. So he couldn’t let her go. He just had to figure out something to tell the others.

 

If he told them at all.

 

His fingers paused over the radio controls.

 

_ The mission comes first. _

 

He wasn't part of Voltron anymore. Which meant -

 

Which meant they didn't need to know. 


	2. On The Turning Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for separation anxiety and general Keith Angst but that's this entire fic, so, yknow.

“And you’re sure this, er, turncoat can be trusted?” Allura’s voice was uneasy through the radio speaker, and Keith couldn’t blame her.

 

“He’s Galra but rank-and-file. If he can’t be trusted, I’ll take care of it.”

 

“I’m not sure about having him on the Castle…”

 

“You won’t even have to see him.” Actually, Keith was really rather hoping she didn’t. The conversation to get Allura to agree to having a Galra traitor on board was difficult enough without including who it  _ was.  _ “I just need a space where Zarkon won’t be able to get at him.”

 

Allura grumbled slightly, then sighed. “And you can’t put him on a BOM base because if he’s a spy, he’ll compromise them.” There was a hint of bitterness in her voice, but Keith couldn’t blame her. Kolivan didn’t want Allura to know how few Blades there were left, and he respected that, but all the same he wondered if she truly  _ realized  _ that Voltron had most of the actual power.

 

“I’ll be watching him. Night and day.”

 

“You’d better be. Last time I had a Galra run rampant on my ship it took months to repair the damage.”

 

_ One of Zarkon’s generals,  _ Keith wanted to correct. Not just ‘a Galra’. But they’d made progress. She was working with the Blade; the intricacies of what words she used didn’t matter in the long run.

 

At least, he kept telling himself that. 

 

“How -” He swallowed. “How is everyone? Is anybody hurt?”

 

“A few bumps and bruises. Hunk took a laser shot to the side but he’s been in and out of the pod so he’ll be alright.”

 

“And you?”

 

She made another tired grumbling noise. “Quintessence overload. I just need some sleep.”

 

“ _ Allura! _ ” came Shiro’s voice from behind her. “What are you doing  _ out of bed _ ?” 

 

“Don’t be silly, Shiro, I’m fine - eek!  _ Lance!  _ That’s not  _ fair _ !” There was a loud burst of rustling, a fit of giggles, and then a moment or two of silence. 

 

Keith’s eyes were hurting.

 

Shiro’s voice chimed in through the radio. “Okay, now that Lance is carrying the Princess off to bed -”

 

“ _ Not like that! _ ”

 

Shiro chuckled, but it faded quickly. “How are you holding up? That was rough out there.”

 

_ Like you care,  _ thought Keith with more bitterness than he’d thought he still had stored up. Then -  _ I almost died. I almost died. I almost died.  _ He didn’t say it. He didn’t want Shiro to know.

 

“I’m alright,” he breathed. “Coming back to the Castle.”

 

“I heard that much. Take it slowly, okay? Those cruisers aren’t exactly meant for, um, longer distances.”

 

Keith knew that much. He remembered how Shiro had felt in his arms after he’d pulled him from the Galra ship, like all his muscles had given out at once. Shiro hadn’t ever really talked about it, and that said enough - although it wasn’t like Shiro had said  _ much  _ to him recently.  _ What did I do wrong?  _ He found himself thinking again.  _ I gave Black back to you. I’m letting you be the leader again so you can remember who you are. And it’s still not enough. _

 

“Yeah, I will.”

 

“Travel safe.”

 

Then Shiro was gone, and Keith let the static buzz through the line before ending the call. He didn’t say anything.

 

“What happened to you, Red?” 

 

It sounded like a taunt, but when Keith looked up at Acxa, she had one of her eyebrows raised in something that looked like a mix between of curiosity and concern. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

 

Acxa narrowed her eyes a little. “If it doesn’t matter, why do you still have that mask on?”

 

“I’m not making small talk with you. You want sanctuary, I’m getting it for you. In exchange for whatever information you have.”

 

“And what about keeping your secret?”

 

Keith shrugged. “It’s not really a secret.” 

 

“You seem awfully twitchy about it.”

 

“I don’t want you selling me out to Zarkon.”

 

Acxa’s expression soured at that. “I don’t see what he’d want with  _ you.  _ You’re skinny and bad-tempered.”

 

“So are you.” He turned back to the controls, setting a course for the Castle.

 

“...You should take off the mask,” she murmured. “It’s not good for you.”

 

“I don’t remember asking your opinion.” He could see his reflection in the glass, three points of purple light shining back at him and superimposed over the black reaches of space in front of him. The nearest sun’s light was flickering off the cosmic dust, and his chest constricted again with a sudden fear.

 

_ We’re all made of the same cosmic dust. _

 

_ Stop overthinking. Stop overthinking. I - _

 

_ I almost died. _

 

He had his mask. He was fine. 

 

\----

They were half an hour or so from the castle when Keith turned in his head to see that Acxa had fallen asleep. How anybody could sleep with their hands tied over their head, he didn’t know, but he couldn’t see any issues with her tendons from here. He’d let her sleep for now.

 

Something had clearly happened between her and Lotor. He knew there were three others, but he didn’t know where they were, their names, or anything about them except what he’d gleaned from their fight. 

 

Keith activated the radar on his ship. It wasn’t detecting anything, but he’d keep an eye on it just in case. His hand hovered over the radio - he could call, ask Shiro for advice, or even Lance - Lance was better at this than he was, he’d figured that much, even if he didn’t know what  _ this  _ was. 

 

He could call Kolivan. But - 

 

_ Don’t compromise the Blade’s existence. The mission is what matters right now.  _

 

A mission which had vaguely-defined borders. Keeping Acxa safe - he didn’t know who he was  _ really  _ serving with that.

 

He was having a hard time breathing. He took down the mask, running his fingers through his hair, trying to focus -  _ patience yields focus  _ but even that hurt now -

 

“You look better without it.”

 

Keith’s hand jerked, and he barely stopped himself from flinging his knife at her face. She  _ had  _ been asleep - he could see that much from the weary way she blinked her eyes open. “Don’t startle me like that.”

 

“What, with compliments?”

 

“I don’t trust that you’re complimenting me.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m the one who came to  _ you  _ for sanctuary. I have to say, I’m both concerned and impressed by your paranoia. It’s  _ very  _ Galra.”

 

Keith had to resist the urge to snarl. “Don’t measure me by  _ your  _ standards.”

 

“Are you ashamed of it?”

 

He snapped his head towards her, getting to his feet almost unconsciously. “I don’t know. Should I be? You don’t seem all that apologetic about working for a homicidal prettyboy -”

 

Her foot came out of nowhere, crunching into his face, and he stumbled backwards against the ship’s control panel, choking on the sudden rush of blood in his mouth. Acxa’s hands were gripped tightly around the chains of the handcuffs, both feet off the ground and one of them elegantly outstretched like she hadn’t just kicked him in the face with it.

 

Keith stumbled back up to a standing position, biting down on the inside of his cheek to resist the urge to run her through. He was an asshole. He wasn’t going to stab a tied-up prisoner. Even if she was really, really annoying.

 

Interestingly enough, there wasn’t a hint of a smile on her face as she lowered her feet back to the ground. “Insult him again and I’ll find other places to hurt you, Red,” she said, voice low and gravelly. It was interesting, Keith realized - he hadn’t noticed until now that she’d been speaking lightly and sweetly on purpose. Her actual voice sounded much more like a Galra.

 

“Are you working for him anymore or not?”

 

“Does it matter?’

 

“Yes, it fucking matters.” He wiped a smear of blood away from his nose. “Start cooperating or I’ll throw you out into space.” He wasn’t cold enough to do it, but if  _ she  _ believed it-

 

“What does cooperation look like?”

 

Keith sat down, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You want sanctuary, you have to show me you deserve it.”

 

“You’re  _ so  _ altruistic.”

 

“And you’re better? You have no interest in giving me information - you’re just trying to save your own skin.”

 

“Everybody is when it comes down to it.” She wrenched at the handcuffs a bit. “Look, Red, my arms are falling asleep. Take me out of these and I'll tell you about the other generals.”

 

“Your coworkers?” Keith supposed he could work with that. He got up with a sigh and - giving Acxa a warning look - reached up to unhook the handcuffs. She groaned in content as her arms came down, and with a bit of a stumble, she eased herself down to sit on the floor. Keith sat down in front of her, crossing his legs.

 

“Uh, alright, there's - Zethrid’s the big one. She can tear open just about anything.” Acxa rubbed her wrists. “She… used to be a gladiator. That's what she told me.”

 

“A gladiator? In the ring?”

 

She nodded. It didn’t escape Keith’s attention that all of the information so far was largely useless details - but he sat and listened anyway.

 

“And Ezor - I saw you fighting with her.”

 

“Is she the slippery one?” Keith asked dubiously.

 

Acxa laughed at that. She'd stopped faking her voice entirely by now. “Slippery is definitely the word. I stopped sparring with her because she kept winning.”

 

“Don't be silly. That's when you fight them harder."

Acxa snorted. "She can turn invisible."

 

"...So it's a  _ challenge. _ "

 

"You must be a handful. There are other Galra rebels, aren't there?"

 

Keith froze up, stilling his face. He'd been getting comfortable.  _ Stupid.  _ "I - well -"

 

"Don't overreact. We're pretty populous, I just kind of assumed. You must be like a toothpick compared to them."

 

"I'm not a  _ toothpick." _

 

"You're a little bit of a toothpick. What do you do, snarl at them?"

 

"...I go for the knees?"

 

This time, Acxa threw her head back and laughed, rubbing at her eyes. "Oh good  _ lord.  _ You're like a  _ tsetze. _ "

 

"What's a tsetze?"

 

"You've never seen one? The little yappy things that float around and ram into people."

 

Keith couldn't quite decide how to feel about that. "....Uh, no, I've never seen one." Then he paused. "Zethrid, Ezor, you. That's three. I counted four."

 

The pain on Acxa's face vanished after a moment of composure, but it was so bitter and deep that it lingered in Keith's chest for minutes after. "Narti. She's dead." Her voice was clipped. "Is that your base?"

 

The Castle was coming up, and Keith felt a twinge of homesickness at the sight of its blue spires. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually been  _ on  _ it. He just - well -

 

-no matter all the other reasons he'd conjured to bring Acxa here instead of anywhere else, because it  _ was  _ secure, it  _ was  _ the safest place to bring here, it was sanctuary for so many people - and ultimately, Keith had just wanted to go home.

 

_ Victory or death. _

 

It kept echoing in his head.

 

"Hey, Allura. I'm coming in."

 

" _ Allura's still in bed, order of Coran and Shiro's combined muscle strength, but she showed me how to press the buttons!" _

 

Keith sighed. "Lance. Hello."

 

" _ Is that any way to say hi? Dude, you've been gone for ages. I expect all the deets on movie night." _

 

"...Movie night."

 

_ "Yep! You're coming, right? We're doing it tonight. _ "

 

"...I'm busy."

 

He pretended to have imagined the little huff from the other end of the line. It was probably just static. " _ Fiiine, do your training or whatever. I'll cuddle with Allura. _ "

 

"Does the princess want to cuddle with you?"

 

" _ Hell yeah she does. She even held my hand yesterday. I mean, it was to pull me away from the crumbling ravine edge, but I'll take it. _ "

 

Keith flew into the landing bay of the Castle as Lance opened the doors, his heart in his throat. He didn't even know why. "Glad to hear you're not  _ completely  _ failing at flirting for once."

 

"... _ Yeah. Anyway, I'm glad to have you back. I'll let you take care of your Galra dude but then come say hi, okay?" _

 

"...Yeah. Okay."

 

He turned back to look at Acxa once they'd landed. She was staring at him with a twitch of a smile. "What?"

 

"Oh, nothing. Who's that?"

 

"It doesn't matter."

 

"You got to hear about mine. I can hear about yours."

 

Keith sulked for a little over that, but walked over to Acxa, pulling her carefully to her feet. "...Not much to say. That's Lance. He used to fly the Blue Lion. Now he flies Red."

 

Was he hallucinating, or did Acxa look sympathetic? He moved on as quickly as he could. "Pidge flies Green. Allura flies Blue now. Shiro's the Black Paladin. And Hunk's in Yellow." He fidgeted with Acxa's handcuffs, trying to undo them so he could put them back behind her, but he was having trouble with his fingers.

 

"That's all?" came the quiet, sympathetic voice.

 

"Don't know what you're talking about."

 

"You aren't selling them out by telling a prisoner who they are."

 

"I'm not good at talking about people." He finally got the handcuffs detached, and fixed one end of them to his own wrist. "This should do."

 

She eyed the handcuffs. Then with dramatically little effort, she lifted her arm and hauled him into the air. "You're half my weight. This is like trying to restrain me with a feather pillow."

 

"A feather pillow, I should add, with a sword."

 

" _ Keep walking. _ "

 

"After you, mister 'I'm handcuffing myself to you'."

  
Keith was seized with the urge to smack her again. But instead, he led her out of the smaller ship and into the landing bay of the Castle - and he told him he didn't  _ care  _ what sound she made, he didn't  _ care  _ that she made a little gasp of astonishment as she craned her neck up to look at the high ceiling, and he certainly didn't feel a little burst of pride when she - tentatively, a little sorely - admitted, "Okay, yours is cooler."


	3. The Things We Owe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for PTSD reactions, general isolation/being left out of things, bad dreams.

He'd gotten Acxa into one of the nearest castle rooms, and asked Allura (still sleepy, but resisting Coran's protests) to lock the door - “I took care of it,” she mumbled, “he can’t get out, go say hi to Shiro and maybe he’ll leave me alone,” - and now he was standing awkwardly just outside one of the doors, watching Shiro and Lance training. He hadn’t really  _ thought  _ about it. He knew he was leaving Shiro back in his rightful place. But -

 

But the Red Lion was the Black Lion’s right hand. And he could see it. Shiro was teaching Lance how to fight properly. He remembered this.

 

“Alright, get your fists up.”

 

“They’re  _ up. _ ”

 

“In front of your face, Lance.”

 

“Oh. Well, is this better?”

 

“Haha. Well, that’ll do.”

 

Keith wondered if he still had time to slip away before they noticed him. He let his eyes linger on Lance’s feet - his stance was terrible - and then he winced as Shiro used his own feet to knock Lance into the right position. Note for note. He  _ remembered  _ this. He remembered how Shiro had knocked him to the ground over and over, apologized each time, and how Shiro had laughed  _ so much  _ the first time Keith had gotten a proper punch in. 

 

He snuck away, and maybe the yell after him was meant for him, but maybe it wasn’t.

 

\---

 

“I had a feeling you’d be here,” came the quiet voice behind him. Keith didn’t look away from Red’s still features. It was disturbing, how much more like a hunk of metal she looked when he couldn’t hear her voice.

 

“It’s good to see you,” Shiro added. Keith lowered his eyes. 

 

“You too.”

 

“You say that, but you haven’t  _ looked  _ at me yet.”

 

Keith turned to look at him. Mostly just to prove him wrong. “...I’m glad everybody seems to be doing okay.”

 

“Are  _ you  _ okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Matt seems worried about you-”

 

“Why?” Keith snapped. “Did he say something?”

 

“No, but -”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Shiro swallowed, then sighed. “Good luck with your, um, double agent.”

 

“Thanks,” Keith whispered, and waited until Shiro’s footsteps had faded away to wrap his arms around himself, as if he could keep himself together just like that. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.  _ I’m just protecting myself.  _ He couldn’t make himself really believe that, but he couldn’t stop himself either.

 

Above him, Red’s eyes were dark and lifeless.

 

\---

 

He didn’t want to be back here. He hated that this was the only place left he could think of that was safe anymore.

 

But here he was.

 

Acxa sat crosslegged on the bed in front of him, eyeing him as he sat against the opposite wall. “I didn’t think we were just  _ hanging out,  _ Red. What -”

 

“Shut up,” he murmured, hands in fists where they hung over his knees. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

 

The room was filled with silence. He could feel her looking at him, and he pulled his knees closer to his chest. He could feel the tears stinging at his eyes, and he wouldn’t - he  _ wouldn’t  _ cry, not in front of her. Just… there was nowhere else. 

 

Nowhere else. 

 

He got to his feet with a groan. “Alright.”

 

“This is not the most intimidating interrogation, I’ve got to say -”

 

“This isn’t an interrogation,” he replied dully. “You came here of your own free will.”

 

“Mostly.” She held up her still-handcuffed wrists. “So why these?”

 

“You could be bait. You could be a trap. You could be brainwashed into coming here and leading us into trouble. You could be bugged or fitted with a tracker.” Keith tried not to listen to himself as he listed off the possibilities. He’d been thinking about this before. Just not about Acxa.

 

She leant back, her armoured suit shifting as she looked at him. “Well, I suppose the first step then is to take off my armour.” Another sly grin - “Unless you don’t want to be the one to tell me to strip down.”

 

Keith wasn’t going to let that rattle him. “I’ll close my eyes if you want.”

 

“No need. I do have a jumpsuit on underneath.”

 

He tried not to look too relieved, although he couldn’t help but shift awkwardly as she got to her feet started to unclasp the armour, watching for signs of another hidden weapon. Her hands were almost twice the size of his, he noticed -

 

“What are you staring at?” she asked, and he started, meeting her eyes. She broke into another laugh, a little softer this time. “You’re - awfully new at this, aren’t you?”

 

“No,” he lied. 

 

“Really? Because you looked awfully upset when you came in -”

 

“We’re not here to talk about me.”

 

“I thought this wasn’t an interrogation.” She dropped her chest and shoulderplates to the ground with a clatter.

 

Keith dropped his eyes from her. Too much eye contact. It was making him nervous. Not that he wasn’t always a  _ little  _ nervous. It didn’t help that she was a head taller than him.  _ Shiro’s height. _

 

That wasn’t a helpful thought. 

 

He took a step backwards, leaning back against the wall and trapping his hands behind him. He wasn’t going to think about them now - how small his fingers were in comparison to hers, the only Galra he’d ever been alone in a room with like this. Without Shiro to keep him grounded. Without anybody. 

 

“Hey.”

 

His eyes snapped up to hers again, and he gulped when he realized she was close.

 

“Do you remember saving my life?” Her voice was low and quiet. 

 

Keith just nodded. He didn’t know what to say.

 

“This is twice, now. I owe you, Red.” 

 

He swallowed. “It’s - It’s no big deal.”

 

She snorted, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “I can tell you weren’t raised Galra. It’s - I’m serious. It’s a life debt. Twice over.”

 

“I don’t want you owing me anything.”

 

“Then let me pay you back. Who’s hurting you?”

 

The little gasp left his lips without him realizing. “I - How -”

 

“You wear your emotions on your sleeve, Red. You can’t hide a thing.” She cocked her head, a smile spreading over her face. “You’re a  _ terrible  _ spy.”

 

His heart was racing. It was racing, and he couldn’t make it stop. She was too close. Too close. Too -

 

He shoved at her chest, and struggled to breathe as she stumbled backwards. Then he pressed the button at his neck, the mask coming up over his face and turning everything a slight shade of glassy purple. 

 

Then he fled, slamming the door shut behind him.

 

\-------

 

_ The ship is launching. He is going to be okay. Shiro had said so. _

 

_ He - _

 

_ He is closing his eyes. The ship is in front of him. He just has to keep a steady course - no - _

 

_ The shuttle is in the sky above him. Headed for Kerberos. He is on the ground watching…  _

 

_ Matt is screaming in his ear, begging him to stop. _

 

_ Pilot error. _

 

_ Matt is on the ship that’s just launched. Side by side with Shiro. _

 

_ Matt is watching him die. _

 

_ Matt is going to die. With Shiro. The Kerberos mission is a failure. _

 

_ Pilot error. _

 

_ The Kerberos mission is a failure. _

 

_ Victory or death. _

 

_ \--- _

 

“Keith. Keith!”

 

There were hands on him -  _ they’re taking me away again,  _ he thought, and he tore at them -

 

“Keith, _ wake up! _ ”

 

His eyes sprang open. Lance was staring down at him in concern. Next to him was Matt, eyes wide, chewing on his lip -

 

“I -” But Keith couldn’t manage to say anything. “What are you doing here?”

 

Lance and Matt exchanged fearful looks. “Keith, you were…” But Lance couldn’t finish the sentence.

 

Matt sat down on the edge of the bed, and Keith flinched away from the small hint of contact through the soaked sheets. “You were screaming,” he said quietly.

 

“That’s ridiculous,” he snapped.  _ If I was screaming, Shiro would be here. _

 

Matt sighed. “Look, it’s - I -”

 

“Don’t,” Keith said quietly, hoping Lance didn’t hear. 

 

“...If you want to talk. We’re here. All of us.”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about. Are you going to let me get back to sleep or not?”

 

Matt bit down on the inside of his cheek with an angry glare, and Keith met his eyes, challenging him to say something, anything.  _ Go ahead. Tell Lance what I did. I don’t think you have the courage. I don’t think you want to admit it.  _ They’d been friends, once. But that had been a different time, a different life - for both of them.

 

A different Keith.

 

“Fine.” Matt stalked off. Keith watched him leave, regret starting to kindle in his chest. He could have been nicer - but he wasn’t. That was just how it went.

 

Lance was still there, leaning against the wall and pushing himself off of it, falling back against the plaster, with a rhythmic bob.

 

“What do you want?” Keith sighed.

 

“...I think,” Lance said quietly -

 

“We don’t keep you around to think.” He regretted it the second he said it. A month, two months ago he would have figured out how to say it as a friendly poke, a jostle, instead of a cruel barb.

 

“ _ You  _ don’t keep me around for anything,” Lance shot back with a snarl. “And I think all this Blade business has gotten to you and you won’t admit it, you stupid, stubborn son of a bitch.”

 

Then Lance was gone as well. Keith huffed, and shoved his face back into the pillow. He wasn’t going to think about it.

 

He  _ wasn’t. _

 

 _Matt is screaming in his ear - begging him to stop - The Kerberos mission is a failure - Failure -_ _  
_ _  
__Failure -_ _  
_ _  
___Failure.

 

\-----

 

He was quieter coming into the room this time, and it was a good thing he did. Acxa was asleep again, curled up on the sparse bed. She looked smaller with the armour, but no more vulnerable - she was still all muscle and tendon and horn, and Keith looked down at her, balancing the bowl of food in the other hand.

 

She stirred in her sleep, purple hair falling into and then out of her face. Keith’s breath caught as he tried to push away the tightness in his chest as curiosity, instead of - well, what else  _ could  _ it be? The spikes curving out from her head were small and curved, more like discs of black bone than horns; he reached down, then stopped himself before he touched them. Had his mother had anything on her head like that? Ulaz had had something similar. Were they a Galra trait? Something else?

 

There was just  _ so much _ he didn’t know.

 

He tucked his hands into his pockets, his face prickling with heat. It wasn’t worth waking her up, but he didn’t want to leave, either. She was company -  _ good  _ company. At least, better company than anybody else right now. And he didn’t really know anything about her.

 

Keith stared at her hand, fingers hovering over it and tracing the thin white scars. Those, he knew. They were the kinds of things you got from playing with a knife over and over again, learning how to flip it, how to wield it -

 

The hand in question lifted, fingers brushing against his throat; a threat, but not a severe one. “Watching me sleep, Red?” she taunted, but there was a thread of fright in her voice. Keith was surprised he could even hear it.

 

“I brought you food,” he responded blandly.

 

“Hmm. It’s meat, right?”

 

“Er, mostly? I think? We picked up some not-goo food our last supply run. And it looks like meat.”

 

Acxa shrugged, getting to her feet and brushing her hair out of her eyes. “If I start throwing up, we’ll know. Get off my bed.”

 

Keith did so, picking up the bowl and handing it to her before what she’d said processed. “You’re carnivorous?”

 

She shook her head - then glanced up at her. “...Aren’t you-? How’d you never  _ notice? _ ”

 

“It just never occurred to me. I eat them fine. I’m just…” He trailed off.

 

“You’re awfully skinny. Try eating more meat and less veg and see how you bulk up,” she commented dryly. “God, what  _ have  _ they been doing to you?”

“Shut up,” he snapped.

 

“Ooh, sore topic.” She took a bite of meat, chewing slowly and looking up and down his frame. He knew what she was thinking - how  _ small  _ he was, how little like any reasonable Galra he looked - 

 

She swallowed, then with a sigh, started talking again. “On, uh, the planet where I grew up. Nobody really told me why I was so big and clunky - who my dad was, or  _ what  _ he was - until I was… twenty-five or so?”

 

“...Twenty-five  _ what? _ ”

 

“Cycles. I don’t know what that translates to in deca-phoebs exactly, but Amran’s cycles are pretty short.”

 

“So...you were still a kid?”

 

Acxa nodded, tearing into another strip of meat and inadvertently showing off her canines. “We don’t really hit maturity til thirty-five cycles. And by then I’d left the place before I was seized with the overwhelming desire to burn the whole place down.”

 

Keith found himself nodding and had to stop himself. “...I don’t actually know how old I am in decaphoebs.” 

 

“Huh. Well, how long are the days on Earth?”

 

“24 hours, and apparently vargas are a little longer than hours so it’s like… 22 vargas? Something like that?” He scratched his cheek with a wry grin. “The math is weird.”

 

“So, 22 varga days, and -”

 

“365 day years.”

 

“Sorry, what now? Did you say that right?’

 

“Three hundred and sixty-five… and a quarter, technically.”

 

Acxa put down her bowl with a groan. “A decaphoeb is something like 250 quintants.” 

 

“Oh. So I’m -”

 

“Older than I thought. Yes.”

 

Keith leant down, peering under the fall of her hair. “...And a cycle on  _ your  _ planet is…?”

 

Acxa didn’t respond except for a frustrated glare.

 

“Is…?” he taunted despite himself.

 

“A hundred and fifty days.”

 

Keith blinked, then leaned back against the wall. “As in your days?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

“Does that mean -”

 

“ _ Shut up. _ ”

 

The grin spread across his face, getting wider and wider with each passing moment. “...Acxa, am I  _ older  _ than you?”

 

“The measurement of time is different on every planet, and maturity is  _ different  _ for  _ every species,  _ you cocky br-”

 

“Watch your mouth.  _ Kiddo. _ ”

 

“...I suppose threatening your life isn’t wise while I’m a hostage,” she grumbled. “Can I hit you with a boot instead?”

 

He sat down on the bed and patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’ll understand when you’re olde-  _ ow! _ ” He rubbed his arm with a scowl he couldn’t quite maintain. “You hit  _ hard. _ ”

 

She shrugged. “Like I said. I used to fight  _ Zethrid. _ ”

 

Keith wanted to ask how she’d ended up alone. It wasn’t a question anybody wanted to hear - but the curiosity gnawed at him. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so much like he was looking over his shoulder, trying to figure out where along the path he’d lost his way - when he’d ended up walking his way on his own.

 

Instead, he shrugged, and got to his feet. “I should...check in with Allura about the state of the Coalition. We’re making progress, I think.”

 

“And what about me?”

 

“What  _ about  _ you?”

 

Acxa paused, then shook her head. “I’m lucky to have this,” she murmured, half to herself. Keith couldn’t help the jolt of sympathy as he realized what she meant. Was this her life now, to while away the hours in a room with white walls and hope that maybe she’d be useful again someday?

 

Keith sighed, burying his head in one hand and the other in his pocket. He wasn’t good at this. Acxa was - theoretically - his prisoner.

 

He’d saved her life. What had she said? “Life debt,” he murmured.

 

She started. “Yes?”

 

“I’m invoking that.”

 

“For what?” She seemed…  _ nervous. _

 

“Tell me who’s after you and why, and I’ll take you out of here. You don’t have free run of the castle - I’d have to talk to the Princess for that - but I can work on it. And tell me that stuff now and I can... “ He swallowed, face suddenly heating up for no particular reason. “I don’t know. Show you around. You can do something that isn’t sitting here and waiting for something, anything to happen.”

 

- _ Pilot error- _

 

He tried to brush the words away. His nightmares weren’t anything new. 

 

Acxa chewed on her lip. “...Do I have to tell you now?”

 

“I’d prefer it, yes. But I can come back. I just want to know who’s coming for you-”

 

“Lotor. Mostly. Zarkon and Haggar too, possibly, but Lotor is -” Acxa closed her eyes. Keith recognized the expression on her face, and that was a surprise. He wasn’t  _ good  _ at expressions. But he’d worn that one before.

 

It fell out of his mouth before he could stop himself. “Do you love him?”

 

Her eyes snapped open, cold and furious. “You -” Then she was standing over him,  _ looming  _ over him with blazing eyes and teeth bared. “You have  _ no right.  _ None.”

 

He took a step backwards, heart suddenly racing in his chest. “I just-” 

 

“Get out.”

 

It didn’t matter that he was the jailer, she was the prisoner - it didn’t matter that she didn’t have a thing on her side except for the fury written in the lines on her face - he still backed out of the room. And the door closed in his face. 

 

His fingers crawled up his arm, gripping onto the flesh there. 

 

_ I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.  _

 

He started walking back to his room, head ringing. It felt like walking through molasses.  _ I think-  _ And he could barely think, either-  _ I think I would have preferred just dying and being done with it. _

 

“Keith? Buddy?”

 

Lance. Of course it was Lance. He didn’t want to see Lance. He tried to think of something mean to drive him off or have him snap back at him. He didn’t need any more false overtures of friendliness, especially not -

 

_ -he was training with Shiro- _

 

_ -Shiro- _

 

_ -PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR- _

 

-hand on his shoulder, and Lance was looking at him with another look of concern, and Keith knew. He  _ knew. _

 

“He told you,” he spat.

 

“What? Who?”

 

“Matt. He told you.”

 

A flicker of guilt crossed Lance’s face. Maybe Keith was imagining it. “Keith, I don’t -”

 

“Don’t look at me like that.” 

 

“I-”

 

“Leave me  _ alone! _ ” And horribly, embarrassingly, his voice broke on the last word, and Keith slumped, pressing the heel of his palm to his eye and trying to hold back the tears. He didn’t even know  _ why  _ he was hurting like this.

 

The door.

 

The door slamming in his face. 

 

Lance’s hand - very gently - touched his wrist. “Do you want to sit down?”

 

Keith didn’t have the energy to push him away. So he nodded, letting himself fall against the wall and sliding to the ground. Lance joined him, leaving a bit of distance between the two of them.

 

“Do you want me to get Shir-”

 

Keith shook his head, not trusting his voice. But the little ‘ah’ from Lance just made the pain in his chest worse. 

 

“...You too?” Lance murmured quietly.

 

Keith could feel his world stop. But then, slowly, agonizingly, he nodded, raising his slightly-blurred vision to Lance’s face. Neither of them would acknowledge it beyond this. He knew that much. But - “Don’t make fun of me,” he whispered, his voice a croak.

 

“I’m not gonna. I’m - I’m a dick sometimes. But not  _ that  _ much of one.”

 

“Could have fooled me.”

 

“What do you want, a hug?” It was meant as a tease, but something must have shown on Keith’s face, because Lance rolled his eyes slightly and smiled. “Oh,  _ fine. _ ” He wrapped an arm lightly around Keith’s shoulders, and Keith pretended he wasn’t leaning into it. The Blades weren’t big on hugs, or any physical contact, really. He supposed it was a Galra thing.

 

“So, uh, who do you have in that room, anyway?”

 

Keith shook his head. “It’s - it’s Blades business.”

 

“Really? You can’t -” But Lance stopped himself, blowing a small raspberry. “Ah, you’ve got it handled.”

 

Keith allowed himself a small smile at that, eyes closing. He remembered Lance pulling him back at Thayserix, Lance keeping him grounded while he struggled with a lion he didn’t know and a role he didn’t want - “Thanks,” he murmured. 

 

“Don’t fall asleep on me, buddy. I’m all skin and bones.”

 

Keith pretended not to hear him, shifting his head on Lance’s shoulder. Once a few quiet minutes had gone by, Lance finally said, “Matt didn’t tell me anything. And I’m - I’m not gonna ask. Until you’re ready.”

 

Keith didn’t bother opening his eyes. “The curiosity is killing you now, isn’t it?”

 

“Oh my god  _ yes. _ ”

 

“Too bad.”


	4. If Only I Could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Character death (one from canon but discussed), mild gore, Sads

 

Acxa pressed her head to the cold metal of the closed - and locked - door, and suppressed the urge to break something, mostly because there was nothing around to break but herself, partially because she knew that it wouldn’t help.

 

_Did you love him?_

 

The answer, obviously, was no. It wasn’t that which was bothering her. She pushed the strands of her hair off of her sweat-soaked forehead, discovering to her own surprise that she was startlingly close to tears. She liked the kid. She didn’t like how _direct_ he was.

 

The truth was, she hadn’t been - _wasn’t_ \- in love with Lotor. The prospect was somewhat frightening. But she had trusted him, which was just as terrifying, and had ended just as badly. And Narti -

 

Narti she had loved. Narti had been her hand-bonded. Not her heart-bonded - Narti and Zethrid had been bonded long before Acxa had even gotten to know them - but the pain wasn’t any less for that. Narti had stood with all four of them as Zarkon banished them from the empire’s heart. Narti had let Acxa express her anger the only way she could safely do so - mind to mind, with no fists, no blades - and allowed her to keep up the masks she needed to stay sane.

 

Acxa ground her knuckles against the unyielding door, overwhelmed with a rush of nausea. Narti. She couldn’t get the image out of her head - Narti collapsed on the floor, blood rushing from her neck, staining her torn hood, turning the white scar over her voicebox a horrible shade of pink -

 

“Stop,” she murmured to herself. It only helped a bit.

 

She couldn’t tell the kid all that. Keith barely understood what it meant to _be_ Galra. She didn’t even know where to start, or if she could do more than say Narti’s name without wanting to curl up into a ball. She’d shot her shield-bonded in the head - but he’d done it first.

 

The tension began to leak out of her shoulders. She was tired. And she still hadn’t finished the food Keith had brought her.

 

She tried to force herself to think about something - _anything -_ else. Shield-bonded. Her brain kept circling around it. She hadn’t said the word to Keith, either, because she didn’t want to go there. ‘Life debt’ was a nice, neutral - well, for a _given_ definition of the word neutral - term for it.

 

Shield-bonded.

 

She remembered the way he’d held up his shield to protect her. The way he’d pulled her out of the way of the mites in the Weblum. The way he’d looked at her when she’d trained her gun on his head. And -

 

\- and she remembered the way Narti had smiled at her when the memory came up in her head, of his eyes blazing, of the touch of his fingers on her arm.

 

Not that it mattered. Shield-bonds had to be mutual to matter. And he couldn’t exactly be shield-bonded without knowing what it _meant._

 

Narti. Narti had laughed at her and kept her secret. That she’d had her life saved by a skinny almost-human-boy with a chip on his shoulder and a sword that glimmered with its own internal starlight.

 

_Narti._

 

So much for thinking about something else. Acxa pushed her food away, mouth filled with an undefinable sour taste.

 

She’d try to sleep. Nightmares, at least, were more easily forgotten.

 

\----

 

She had no sense of time inside the room. So when Keith’s hand landed on her shoulder - gentle, but not gentle enough to stop herself from starting awake like a gunshot - she had no idea how long her nap had stretched out.

 

“Acxa.”

 

“Well, look who came crawling back,” she taunted, but it came out meaner than she’d meant to. She liked poking him. Apparently, she was good at it. But it required channeling Ezor more than she was used to. It was amazing how much you picked up about somebody after so long fighting beside them -

 

_-shield-bonded-_

 

 _-_ well, that was the whole _problem,_ wasn’t it?

 

“I can leave if you’d like.”

 

“No, it’s fine. It’s your ship.”

 

“Technically, it isn’t mine.”

 

Acxa chuckled wearily at that, then fought her way into an upright position. She didn’t like being without her armour, but she wasn’t stupid enough to ask for it back. Besides, then she’d lose half the joy of his embarrassed face when she’d taken it off in the first place.

 

...Okay, so maybe it wasn’t _all_ Ezor.

 

Keith was struggling to say something. Not for the first time, Acxa wished she had Narti’s gift - or just Narti. Before she’d thought it through, brain still fogged by speech, she lifted one of her hands to brush against his shoulder.

 

He started. “Wh-”

 

She shook her head, taking her hand back. “Nothing,” she mumbled.

 

“...I, uh. I thought about what I asked you,” he fumbled, staring resolutely at the ground - anywhere but at her. “I’m not gonna ask. Until you’re ready.”

 

Acxa wondered what had happened that she couldn’t see. But she supposed it didn’t matter. She shrugged. “A life-debt is-”

 

“Not something I should be using against you. If- if I understand anything about it.”

 

It caught her by surprise. She smiled, and found herself once more on the brink of tears. “You don’t. But thank you.”

 

They sat in comfortable silence for a while. Acxa hovered on the comfortable edge of consciousness, letting her eyes rest on him. The purple suit was a tighter fit than the red-and-white armour she’d first seen him in, more streamlined, and his hair spilled past his chin. Longer than last time, too. “How long’s it been, anyway?”

 

“Since when?”

 

“Since the Weblum.”

 

“I’m...not sure.” Keith ran his hand through his hair with a nervous laugh. “Um, six months? I think?”

 

She poked his side with her foot. “You’re using Earth terms again.”

 

“Fuck. Uh, phoebs? Six or seven phoebs?”

 

Acxa laughed. “Close enough.” It seemed too short a time. It belonged so squarely to the past. To the time _before._

 

Keith chewed on his lip - then got to his feet, sticking out his hand. “Come with me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Are you coming or not?”

 

“...Sure.” She took his hand, and he pulled her towards the door. It opened under his touch, and she hesitated at the threshold. “Keith, are you sure?”

 

He nodded briskly, in a way that betrayed his hesitation. But his eyes were sparkling. _He feels it too._ The thought lingered - and then he was leading her down the hallway, fingers interlaced with hers so tightly she could feel him trembling. He had one finger too many, she noticed with a little bubble of amusement in her throat. Who _needed_ five fingers?

 

“Where are you taking me?” she asked.

 

“It’s really nice. I mean -” He paused, slowing down and easing into a steady pace next to her. “I don’t know if -” He sighed. “I think it’s pretty. If kind of stupid.”

 

“You aren’t telling me _much,_ Red.”

 

“It’s hard to explain. It should be - yeah, it’s this door.” He paused in front of it, then as if he’d only just noticed, extricated his hand from hers. “...I stutter when I’m nervous. Sorry.”

 

“What, do I make you _nervous,_ Red?”

 

His only response was to huff and cross his arms. “I can put you _back_ if you want,” he grumbled.

 

“Stop being so fun to tease.”

 

He was smiling. She could see it, under the scowl he was trying _so hard_ to maintain. Then he opened the door, and it folded apart in front of them -

 

Acxa took a dazed step inside, and then rushed into the center of the room. Above her, the suspended water flowed and gurgled, and the blue light cascaded down onto her like a veil; it cast dappled patterns over her hands, over the black and grey of her jumpsuit, in constant motion.

 

“Do you - do you like it? I mean, I don’t know if it’s a general alien thing, or an _Altean_ thing, but apparently they did some cool stuff.” Keith was standing in front of her, hands in his pockets, and the dark blue light that filled the room couldn’t hide the flush of pride on his cheeks. “Lance and I found it back when we were first exploring. We wanted an actual pool and got this instead.”

 

Acxa laughed in wonder, still watching the patterns play over her hands. Her scars didn’t look so ugly in here. “Not just the guy who pilots the Red Lion, then?”

 

Keith shook his head with another embarrassed smile. “You were right. I - I don’t know.” His smile faded a little. “I missed them. I miss being part of this.”

 

Acxa moved a little closer. “Part of Voltron?”

 

“Yeah. I thought - well -” He shrugged. “I didn’t think it’d hurt so much. To see them doing just fine without me.”

 

Her chest was tight. She was going to cry or scream or do something stupid - She elected for the third option. “Narti. Lotor, he - he killed Narti. While we watched.”

 

“He - he wh-”

 

“He never said why.” It all came out in a rush, like suddenly all the words she’d been sparing were trying to make up for their absence. “But we were on the run. And he must have thought she’d slow us down or that something was wrong because he just turned around and -” Acxa bowed her head, seized with an urge to laugh. She didn’t know why. It was so _wrong._ “He just killed her. Like that. Her head didn’t even come all the way off. It just hung there. And he turned and he left and we didn’t even bury her because we knew he must be up to _something,_ and we _trusted_ him, and it took so long to sink in that he just. He.” She was breathless now.

 

But if she stopped, she’d never say it again.

 

“So I shot him. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. And I didn’t kill him and I _should have_ but I couldn’t - I couldn’t do what he did, I couldn’t just - I couldn’t -”

 

Keith raised his hand to her face, and to her horror, she realized she was crying. “Hey. It’s okay.” His voice was softer than before. Warmer. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

 

And he meant it. Damn him to hell, he meant it.

 

 

She thought, perhaps, she was the one that kissed him. Maybe it was the other way around. But her fingers were in his hair, and his hands rested on her hips with surprised hesitation, and both of them were so _scared_ but neither of them backed off - no, they were egging each _other_ on, daring each other to continue, and then Acxa’s lips were at his neck and he was making sounds she shivered at, and this, _this_ was what she needed.

 

“W-wait-” Finally, Keith pushed gently at her, and she eased off, fingers sliding down to rest on his chin. “I -” He swept his hair out of his face. “Um.”

 

She bit her lip, trying to stop her own flush. The nice thing about being purple instead of whatever odd peach hue _he_ was, it wasn’t nearly so obvious when she was blushing. “Overwhelmed, Red?”

 

“N-not so much overwhelmed as trying to. Gather some composure. I think.”

 

She couldn’t help it - her fingers twined some more in his hair. “You? Composed?” she murmured.

 

“Like _you_ aren’t flustered,” he shot back.

 

“Of course not.” She flashed him a grin.

 

“Is that a challenge?”

 

Purple skin didn’t hide _everything._ And if the back of her mind was screaming at her that this was a terrible idea - well - she could ignore that, for a few more moments of happiness and peace. Everything would come crashing down on her head eventually, no matter what she did. She might as well enjoy herself.


	5. Break The Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: post-sex scenes, very mild nudity, discussion of top surgery

She traced her finger over his chest, carefully drawing her blunted claw over the scars that curved under his pectorals. His skin was warmer than hers. She wondered if he just carried a fire of his own, or if it was yet another thing to discover about his race. 

 

Then she poked at one of the nipples resting so uselessly on his chest. “Why do you have these?”

 

“What?” Keith lifted his head from the floor, gazing down at her hand. His eyes flicked over to hers with no shortage of amusement. “Nipples?”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Well - stop  _ poking  _ it - they sewed them back on after -” He shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. “I had surgery.”

 

“Surgery? For what?”

 

He coughed, flustering. “Er, Galra have two genders, right?”

 

“Three.”

 

“Do you ever have people who are born as the wrong one?”

 

Acxa had to think about that. Then she nodded. “Not as common in Galra. But Amisi, yes.” Then it clicked. “Oh! I see. Does it bother you?”

 

He chuckled, biting his lip as he looked up at her. “G-given that usually I have to go through that whole explanation in twice the time and  _ before  _ my clothes come off… not right now, no.”

 

Acxa couldn’t say she  _ understood,  _ entirely. She hadn’t really lived with the Amisi long enough, and gender for Galra was so largely a matter of cosmetics. It had played more than a small role in her choice to leave her home planet. But she found her fingers tracing the scar one more time. “So you have nipples because you were born as a different gender?”

 

“Well, no.”

 

“...Now I’m confused all over again. They’re not gender markers?”

 

“ _ No! _ ” He was bright red now and he grabbed her hands, trying and failing to stop the grin on his face. “Stop poking my nipples!”

 

“It’s not  _ my  _ fault humans make no sense!” She grappled with him, then with a smirk, pinned his wrists above his head. “Also, don’t start fights you can’t w- _ oof! _ ”

 

HIs legs latched around her wrist, and a few seconds later,  _ she  _ was flat on her back, Keith hovering above her with that same godforsaken  _ smirk.  _ He  _ knew  _ he was good.

 

He flicked his hair out of his eyes. “We had a whole conversation about me versus bigger opponents. Remember?”

 

They  _ had.  _ She squirmed under him, mostly to bug him as much as anything else. “Remember me calling you a cocky asshole?”

 

“I do, I do.” Then he glanced upwards. “We should probably get dressed.” 

 

She wanted to ask him to stay. But there was still a war being fought. He still had his own duties. And she wasn’t stupid enough to assume that there would necessarily be more than this. 

 

_ Shield-bond.  _ She could say it. She could explain it.

 

Or she could appreciate what she had, here and now, and not risk it. She’d lost too much. 

 

Keith shrugged into his suit, and Acxa let her eyes linger on the scars over his back. There weren’t many of them, but more than she’d expected. She supposed whatever he was part of that was so much more important than Voltron came with its own risks. 

 

“Let me help you.”

 

“I -” He started to shrug her away, and she laid a hand on his shoulder, zipping up the back and pressing another kiss to his neck. He shivered at that, probably realizing how vulnerable was.  _ I could kill him,  _ she realized.  _ If I wanted to.  _ That was a sobering thought. She didn’t want to. That was probably even more so.

 

Keith glanced back at her from under his eyelashes. “You didn’t let me return the favour.”

 

“Apparently not,” she murmured. “Shall we?”

 

Keith nodded, a little too sharply. He was holding his breath. Acxa didn’t know why, and then realized she was as well. Waiting for something to happen. For something to change.

 

The door opened at Keith’s touch -

 

-and Acxa froze.

 

“Do you hear that?” 

 

“Hear what?”

 

That was right, she realized; she had  _ Galra  _ hearing, she had Galra senses, which meant - which meant whoever had left the doors open between  _ here  _ and  _ there  _ hadn’t thought about it, but the voice she could hear so distantly was -

 

She took off like a streak of lightning, feet hammering the floor.

 

“A- _ Acxa! _ ”

 

She didn’t stop. She could barely hear Keith behind her. She could hear  _ him.  _ That awful, low, drawl. 

 

She’d heard it every day for years. 

 

She ground to a halt, feet skidding against the smooth floor. She was at the door of the hangar. All of the other members of Voltron were there. Green, Red, Blue, Black, Yellow. They were in their armour.

 

Standing in their center, his helmet in his hands, his hair still tousled from his flight, was Lotor. He had the decency to look ashamed - and perhaps, a little bit surprised. “Ah,” he said, in an attempt at grace. “It appears I have been preceded.”

 

She should have stayed in the blue room with Keith. Just for one precious moment longer.


	6. Wormwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: minor mob mentality, Shiro being a DICK, violence/blood

Keith didn’t need to see Acxa’s face to draw his bayard and point it at the interloper on his -  _ not his not his -  _ ship - but once he did, he was that much more confident that he was making the right choice. 

 

“Keith,” Allura said quietly, “put the sword down.”

 

“I will once you explain why this bastard is on board.”

 

“He’s offered to work with us,” replied Shiro with a sigh.

 

“ _ Him?  _ Work with  _ us?  _ He’s been trying to  _ kill  _ us!”

 

“So has the one behind you,” Hunk offered, “to be fair.”

 

“Shiro,” Lance sounded suspicious and… disappointed? “You said you’d told him.”

 

“I -”

 

“You told me he was  _ fine with it. _ ”

 

“I didn’t get around to it, okay?”

 

Keith’s eyes snapped to Shiro. He wondered if the others could see his heart splintering, shattering into pieces digging into his ribs, his spine - 

 

“You lied to me,” he said flatly.

 

Shiro didn’t even bother trying to look guilty. “You didn’t need to know. And when I  _ did  _ try to tell you, you didn’t want to hear-”

 

“ _ I need to know!  _ I am a part of this team-”

 

“Not anymore. You made that pretty clear.”

 

“Shiro, what the  _ hell?”  _ Lance interrupted. “You lied to  _ all  _ of us.”

 

Allura’s hand touched the bottom of his arm. “Come on, Keith,” she whispered. “Don’t hurt him.”

 

Keith glanced over at Acxa, then let Allura guide him back. A few seconds later, Acxa crossed the room, fist flying into Lotor’s face. There was a crunch of bone, and Lotor fell to one knee, clutching at his nose as a trickle of red blood ran between his fingers. Acxa didn’t stop there - she grabbed him by the shoulders of his armour, throwing him against the wall.

 

“Good to see you too, Acxa,” he said, exhaustedly and somewhat through his nose.

 

“Yeah. Good to see you too.” She drew her fist back - and Hunk caught it.

 

“Look, I’m not -” Hunk swallowed. “I don’t like the guy, but please don’t kill him?”

 

Keith didn’t miss the fury in her eyes - or the glint of recognition. “What makes you think he deserves mercy?”

 

“Oh, I  _ certainly  _ don’t. Yellow’s faith in me is entirely misplaced.”

 

Acxa slammed him against the wall again. “Nobody  _ asked  _ you.” For a moment, Keith thought she’d lash out at Hunk - but instead, she let Lotor drop to the ground in a somewhat sad pile. “Two hits and you’re already looking this pathetic. I can’t believe you were so important to me.”

 

“Trust me,” Lotor muttered, “I can’t believe I was either.”

 

“My life would have been a  _ lot  _ different without you. I’m starting to think that’s a good thing.” Acxa’s voice was so wounded, so angry, that it took Keith a moment for the words to process. Then the wave of nausea hit, so strongly that he stumbled on his feet.

 

Shiro was in front of him, and Keith barely felt Allura’s hands slide away. “Keith, who is s-”

 

“You don’t get to ask that,” Keith snarled. “You don’t get to - you don’t -”

 

“We’ve been keeping secrets from each other. I don’t think anybody has the upper hand here -”

 

“She’s  _ hiding  _ from  _ him! _ ”

 

          The room fell silent, the petty squabbling shutting down almost instantly. Allura broke the silence first. “Acxa. That's your name?”

 

Acxa shrugged off Hunk’s light grasp. “Yes,” she replied, her composure returning and her expression shutting down.

 

“How long have you been on board my castle?” she asked, voice slowly freezing over.

 

Keith glanced over at Shiro. The glare he received in return had no warmth to it. It was like when he'd left, all over again.

 

.

 

No. It wasn’t. Even through the tears that were starting to gather in his eyes (he was keeping them back for now, although he wasn’t sure how long he could manage it) he could see Pidge edging away from Shiro, he could see the questioning, confused look Lance was giving him, the sympathetic twitch of Hunk’s fingers towards Acxa -

 

“Three days,” Acxa replied as blankly as she could. “I requested sanctuary.”

 

“It wasn’t his to give,” Allura snapped back. “Keith, you could have  _ told  _ me.”

 

“So could you.”

 

“This isn’t -” Allura’s sigh turned into a near-scream of frustration. “You can’t go to all the effort of making sure you’re  _ not  _ part of Voltron and then insist you’re still here! You’re either part of this team or you’re  _ not! _ ”

 

“Allura, not you too!” Pidge crossed her arms, eyes sparking with hurt. “Keith is  _ family.  _ It’s not all about Voltron.”

 

“Voltron is the universe’s only hope! We can’t just -”

 

_ I almost died. For you. For all of you.  _ His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, swelling until he could barely take a breath. Then there were footsteps behind him - he turned just in time to see Lotor’s face, thin and focused and eyes slit and gleaming -

 

Something shoved him out of the way. Then he was on the floor, staring up at the black blade buried in Acxa’s arm, the red blood dripping slowly onto the ground. 

 

Acxa shoved Lotor away with silent contempt, barely seeming to feel the wound. Then she grabbed Keith’s hand, and  _ ran.  _ She was going for the Galra ship they’d come there in.

 

A growl rumbled through the ship. The Black Lion had been watching everything. He hadn’t even been listening for her - his bond with her was so uncertain, so unstable. But now he could hear her loud and clear.

 

TIME TO GO, LITTLE ONE.

 

“You’re not going  _ anywhere! _ ” Shiro’s voice was cracking, his eyes flashing with a desperation Keith hadn’t seen…  _ ever.  _ It made his heart ache. “Get back here,  _ now! _ ”

 

Somebody tapped Shiro on the shoulder. He turned around - and there was a sudden crack as the hilt of a bayard met his temple, and he collapsed to the ground, eyes rolling up in his head. Lance looked down at him with horror.

 

“Do you ever, um, do something and then immediately regret it?” he said to nobody in particular.

 

Keith missed whatever came next. He and Acxa were already boarding the Black Lion, and then the only sound was the quiet rumble of the lion he’d never wanted to fly, and Acxa’s breathing as it quietly turned into sobs she was trying to hide.


	7. Stand Your Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: ....angst, mostly.

Galra soldiers didn’t cry.

 

Galra soldiers didn’t cry.

 

Galra soldiers didn’t cry.

 

But neither of them were Galra, not really, not  _ properly -  _ and Acxa couldn’t have stopped the tears from rolling down her face if she’d wanted to.

 

She looked up at Keith, hunched in the pilot’s seat of the lion. He didn’t look any more at home there than he had in the Galra cruiser. And he wasn’t crying - but he  _ was  _ shaking. She could sense the same frustrated rage in him that was still flooding her veins. 

 

“Keith -”

 

His fingers gripped the controls, concealed by the black-and-purple gloves of the suit. Then he put his mask up. 

 

Acxa didn’t bother herself trying to get him to put it down. They all had ways to cope. Instead, she ventured out of the cockpit into the belly of the lion. There wasn’t much to see; a big empty space, mostly, scattered around with personal belongings.

 

There was a photograph taped to the wall of the first room. She ventured a little closer, running her fingers over it - Keith, and the man who had yelled at him, the man who had lied to him, the man who the Blue Paladin had knocked out. They were both in uniform; the man’s hair was missing its streak of white, and his facial features were that little bit different. Warped by the photograph, she thought. Or perhaps not. 

 

They were holding hands. Not within the frame of the photograph itself; but she could see how their arms connected, just below the camera lens. 

 

“Leave that alone,” came the voice from behind her, slightly distorted by the mask. 

 

Acxa lowered her hand. “You two were lovers.”

 

“Almost. Not quite. It’s - it’s none of your business.”

 

“Mm.” A sad smile twitched at the corner of her cheek. “I don’t suppose humans have very nuanced words for these things.”

 

“The - the rebels I trained with. They told me some of the Galra words.”

 

Her hand twitched; she shoved it down by her side. “Really?”

 

“I don’t think I understand them. I don’t know.”

 

She turned around. He was leaning against the opposite wall, mask still up, but she could see the tension in his arms.

 

“...Shield-bond,” she said quietly. “They mention that one?”

 

“Yes. I think so. It’s like blood-brother, isn’t it?”

 

“Mm.” She folded her arms in front of her. She could  _ feel  _ the way he was staring at him, too soft for her to be comfortable with. “Shield-bonds happen once you bleed for each other.”

 

Keith’s mask was expressionless, but his eyes bored a hole into the cut on her arm. She’d bound it loosely with a scrap ripped from the torn part of her jumpsuit. “...Ah.”

 

The rage against Lotor sat under her tongue, bitter woundswort seeping into her veins. “We’ve never fought a real battle. Have we? Not side by side.”

 

“I would count the Weblum, honestly, but no, it’s not quite the same.” 

 

Acxa crossed the room, slowly, waiting for him to dart away. Waiting for the moment to be lost. He stood up a little straighter, trying to face her head-on, but he couldn’t erase the height difference between them.

 

“You never interrogated me properly.”

 

“Are you teasing me?” he asked with a waver of confusion.

 

“There’s a Galra communications base about five vargas away. It’s part of Zarkon trying to take back what Lotor lost from the empire. It’s important - but it’s not well guarded.” She let her fingers fall lightly on his shoulder. “It’s a shoddy, rush job.”

 

“Uh huh. And how do you know all this?”

 

She laughed. “Because I know the poor fellow running it. His name is Throk. His pet sentry’s been bugged for months and he still hasn’t figured it out.”

 

“That’s cruel. And hilarious.”

 

Acxa raised her hand to the side of Keith’s face, and she pressed on the switch. The mask fell away, and his eyes shone bright up at her.

 

“C’mon, Red,” she murmured. “Let’s go be heroes.”


	8. Heroes for One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: injury, explosions, blood, woot woot. also ft. keith's shitty coping mechanisms

CHAPTER EIGHT

 

When he was a kid - back before he’d been _Keith,_ before he’d even known about any of the stuff that would complicate his life - Keith had loved superheroes. The one thing he’d managed to cart around from foster home to foster home was a battered volume of _Batman;_ when he was bored and needed somewhere to be, he’d hide in the aisles of comic book stores and see how many he could read before the staff kicked him out.   
  
   He hadn't realized how much he'd missed those comics. After years of taking and breaking orders, he was finally doing it. Just going and doing what needed to be done. No orders. No Voltron.   
  
   "Are you sure this is alright?" Acxa asked, startling him into looking at her. He wished he hadn’t. The armour fit her - that was the important part. But seeing her in the Black Paladin armour - even if it was just one of many spares - just made his mouth taste of bile and blood, like it had during the months he’d stared at it, realizing Shiro meant for _him_ to wear it, wondering if he’d ever see Shiro in it again…

 

“It’s fine. You need something.” He’d never had the courage even to put it on. No, that wasn’t entirely true. He’d gotten as far as the shoulder pads once, before he’d gotten dizzy and nauseous and torn it off in rage. It fit her. It meant they could talk to each other. That was what mattered. Nothing else.

 

They prepared for their mission in almost-silence, Acxa pulling up a map from her wrist and pointing out where the communications went in and out, where they had to place the charges. In and out. Easy.

 

Guns. They had guns. Acxa, mostly - Keith had his luxite blade, the cloth still wrapped around the symbol to keep it from Acxa’s eyes. He trusted her, but there was trust and then there was stupidity. The Black Lion wasn't talking to him, but he could feel her hum under his hands (and he'd missed it, he was afraid to admit he'd missed it, and she wasn't Red but he wasn't Shiro so that was okay)  
  
   (less okay was the taunting, painful feeling that maybe Shiro wasn't Shiro either but he didn't want to think about that right now yes he was going to worry about that later or never preferably never)   
  
   And then they were flying - quietly - into the base.   
  
   Landing the Black Lion was easy. She wasn't the quietest ship, but Keith brought her down on the far side of an asteroid - and in his head echoed a faint, mournful image, half-colours, half sounds. She couldn’t quite reach him in words. Their bond wasn’t close enough for that.

 

“Don’t worry about me,” he murmured to her.

 

The mournful projection continued - then, alongside it, the image of her pilot’s chair empty. The night Shiro had vanished.

 

Keith hesitated. Then he turned away from the dashboard. He would promise to come back, but something was stopping him. _Victory or death - victory or death -_ It kept chanting in his head, over and over again. It was a Galra thing, but he _was_ Galra, so what did it matter?

 

Acxa was standing ready at the door. He joined her, standing by her side, then let his hand hover over the button. “...When you hailed me,” he said quietly, “I’d just gotten away from the battle. Lotor saved my life. I don’t think he meant to. And now he’s tried to kill me.”

 

Acxa stayed silent, but gave a thoughtful nod. Keith wondered how to say the rest, what he hadn’t said to anybody else. That he’d meant to ram his ship into the shield. That he’d been inches away from dying.

 

Instead, he raised his mask, and pressed the button. They dropped out of the lion, and made their way towards the base in silence. And over and over, Keith rehearsed the words he should have said. _I almost died. I almost died. I almost died._

 

_I almost killed myself._

 

“Keith.”

 

They were at the base, and Keith focused. His damage wasn’t important right now. They had a mission. Their mission. He watched as Acxa entered the stolen code into the door lock, and then followed behind her, luxite blade in his hand and feeling his heartbeat in his tightly-clenched fingers. Then they moved as one down the hallway, turning this corner, then that. She pulled up the map briefly -

 

“Down,” he whispered. They ducked into the room beside them, which turned out to be not much more than a closet. Keith pressed his hand to the wall to steady himself, trying to ignore Acxa’s weight leaning against his back. The sentry passed them with even footsteps clicking against the floor - then the footsteps faded away.

 

“Okay,” Acxa whispered. They clambered out of the room, and Acxa took his hand -

 

“Why are you holding my hand?”

 

“I can stop.”

 

Keith just didn’t respond. He didn’t let go either. Even if it _was_ a mission. Acxa led him to the next hallway down, and there weren’t any more sentries, and Keith’s heart started to crawl up his throat -

 

“Acxa,” he asked outside the door.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“...Throk can’t be this stupid. Right?”

 

Acxa frowned - then she turned, looking up and down the hallway. No other sentries. They couldn’t even hear any footsteps except for the same pair that had been fading away, and was now getting closer again.

 

“Something is wrong,” she murmured. “He’s an idiot but…”

 

The footsteps got closer and closer. Acxa turned to the pad of the room and quickly entered the code - the doors slid open, then jammed open with a helpless thump.

 

The footsteps got louder. Acxa backed into the room; Keith stayed in front of her, his heart pulsing in his throat. The sentry rounded the corner and saw them; it advanced into the room, only speeding up a little -

 

Acxa shot over his shoulder, catching the sentry in the head just as it keeled into the room. There was a quiet tick - and then the explosion rang out, white light and noise filling his brain and his ears and his eyes with it, blanking out _everything -_ everything but the feeling of Acxa’s fingers in his, clutching almost tight enough to break.

 

He didn’t pass out. He could be thankful for that, at least. The room came back into view slowly, pitching on its side, colours bleeding out of their lines, but it was enough to show him the sentries that were spilling into the room, one after the other -

 

One fell. Then another. Acxa was half propped behind him, arm crossed protectively over his chest - now that he was starting to come back to life, he could feel the weight of it - and she was taking one out with every shot. Something dripped onto his forehead. He leaned his head back - dark red blood was falling, drop by drop from Acxa’s split cheekbone. One of the drops trailed down his cheek, rolling down his chin.

 

The room wouldn’t stop shaking.

 

Keith got to his feet. It felt like everything was in slow motion with how much his head was spinning, but he knew enough to fight - to let the shots glance off the luxite blade, or the panels of luxite in his armour. They weren’t strong enough to hurt him. Not really.

 

He sank his blade into one sentry, then sliced through another. They kept coming, climbing over the dead bodies of their comrades.

 

He took a step back, then another. Acxa was still firing, but the shots were slowing down - or maybe that was just how he was seeing everything.

 

Then Acxa’s arm fell. He watched her eyes fall closed -

 

“Acxa. Come on. Acxa!”

 

And they were still coming. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t.

 

The world tilted on its axis. He could see something changing, something else in the background, but before he could start to recognize it, the blackness crept it, and he was falling. He was falling.

 

There were hands on him. Then they were gone. He was gone.

 

_ PILOT ERROR. _


	9. Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: er. i don't. even know how to tag this? FEELS? shiro continues to be kind of a dick. mental health issues are a running thing. *shrugs*

There were hands on him, and he fought them off -  _ leave me alone,  _ he tried to scream -

 

“Keith! Keith. Hey, buddy.”

 

“Don’t touch me,” he spat. 

 

“Okay. No touching.” There was still a hand, but there was the brief sound of impact, and that, too, disappeared. “It’s me. Lance.”

 

Keith turned his head. He could only see out of one eye - the other was covered with something, and he reached up to move it -

 

“Hey, no no no. You gotta leave that there.”

 

“Why?”

 

Lance looked so  _ concerned.  _ Keith tried to focus. There was Matt behind him, chewing on his cheek. He glanced upward. Kolivan. So many people.

 

“Where am I?”

 

“Back on the Castle,” Kolivan rumbled. “You’re lucky to be alive.”

 

“I -  _ Acxa! _ ” Keith jolted upright - then his head span. “I..hgh…”

 

“Acxa’s in one of the pods. She’ll be alright.” Lance couldn’t help a small smile at that. “You were protecting her.”

 

“She was protecting me. You have it backwards.” Keith scanned the faces as they went in and out of focus. “Where’s…” But he couldn’t say the name. Instead, he slumped back against the bed, everything coming back with a horrible certainty. If  _ he  _ was welcome back here, that meant…

 

Kolivan took his leave. The others - Lance, Matt, Hunk, Pidge - gathered close around him. “Shiro’s outside,” Hunk said, breaking the silence. “He was - Keith, he was  _ so worried. _ ”

 

“No, he wasn’t,” Keith murmured in response.

 

“He  _ was, _ ” Pidge replied. “After Lance hit him -”

 

“I still don’t regret that. Well, maybe a bit.”

 

“-He woke up panicking. He didn’t mean to yell, Keith.”

 

“He lied,” Keith couldn’t help but reply. The hurt was still in his chest, almost outweighing the physical pain echoing in his head, through his joints and his muscles... 

 

“I told him,” Matt said, almost too quietly to hear.

 

Keith sat upright. He tried to say something, but he couldn’t. Matt stared back at him, unrepentant. 

 

“I told him, and I told the others too.” There was a small choke in his voice. “You ran off again. And I told them because I am not going to let you hurt yourself again. And Shiro… the first thing,  _ the first thing  _ he did was go bolting off after you. We had to go after him to stop him from taking on that entire base on his own, especially without a lion.” 

 

“Then - why -”

 

Matt glanced at Hunk, who shrugged. “Something’s up. We’re not sure what yet. We’re gonna figure it out.  _ Together.” _

 

Keith tried to remember how to breathe. They were all so clustered so close around him, looking at him with faces he couldn’t quite read - he couldn’t understand what they wanted. They’d - They -

 

“You - you  _ wanted  _ me to leave -” came out of his mouth before he could stop it. And even staring at them, all four of them so close and worried, all he could see was the way they’d looked at him before, when he’d been  _ late,  _ when Regris had died - he couldn’t unsee it - “I can’t let you down again.”   
  


And then there were arms, careful, hesitant, wrapping around him. First one set then another. They’d hugged him before, too, but this was different. Lance’s nose tickled the shell of his ear. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. Pidge’s face was buried in his chest. Hunk’s chin resting on top of his head. Matt’s long arms wrapped around all of them.

 

“Don’t leave,” Hunk said quietly. “U-unless you really want to. But. You don’t have to. Ever.”

 

Keith closed his eyes.The fabric over his eye itched, but it meant it was less obvious he was crying. He supposed it didn’t matter. 

 

\-----

 

Shiro wasn’t just outside - he was sitting against the wall, methodically shredding apart a piece of fabric that had probably once been a bandage. The rest of the bandage was on his upper arm, and Keith let his eyes linger on it rather than try to make eye contact as he stood in front of the man he once had never been afraid of.

 

“...There’s something wrong with me,” Shiro said, haltingly, in something that was a coarse whisper. Any doubts Keith had had about what the others had said flew away in an instant. He knew what Shiro sounded like when he’d been crying. 

 

Keith just dug the toe of his boot into the hallway. He didn’t know what to say. “...You’ve never yelled at me like that before. And you’ve never lied to me.”

 

“I don’t know why. Why I did it, I mean.” Shiro kept tearing at the fabric. “It used to be like breathing.”

 

“What, dealing with me?”

 

“Dealing with everything. Everybody. Now it’s like following a script that keeps changing.”

 

Keith took a deep breath. Then he sat down across from Shiro, crossing his legs. “...Do you think they did something to you? When they took you the second time?”

 

“...Maybe.” Shiro took a deep breath. “I saw some things that didn’t make sense. Or too much sense. I don’t know. I’m still working it out.” He must have seen the look on Keith’s face, because he offered a half-smile- which soured quickly. “Then there’s  _ him. _ ”

 

Keith turned - then his heart skipped a beat. Lotor was standing by one of the pods, hands in his pockets. In the pod was Acxa. “Get him  _ away  _ from h-”

 

“She’s asleep. And we’re keeping an eye on him.”

 

Keith closed his eyes, trying to suppress the rage in his throat. “He attacked me.”

 

“Apparently he could sense the witch’s threads on somebody in the room. He thought it was you.”

 

He didn’t miss the sardonic irony in Shiro’s expression. “...You?”

 

“Yep.” He tore another handful of threads off the bandage. “So far I’ve managed to push you into leaving, lie to you and get you stabbed. No wonder Black’s gone back to ignoring me.” 

 

“Shiro…”

 

“If you died because of me - because of my stupidity -” Shiro’s hands tightened on the fabric. “You should go see Acxa. She’s asleep, and doing well. She’ll probably be out soon.”

 

There was a note in Shiro’s voice that Keith didn’t understand - or didn’t want to. He turned his head to look over at Acxa’s pod - but Lotor was gone. “...Alright.”

 

He walked over. Acxa looked… at peace. The pod was doing its work. Keith pressed his hand to the glass - and then, at his touch, it opened up, and she fell forward into his arms, taking a deep breath. “...Keith?”

 

Keith smiled. “Hey.”

 

“...Hey. We survived that?”

 

She was warm and heavy in his arms, and before he could overthink it too much, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head between the horns on her skull. “We did. Somehow.”

 

“Let’s never do that again,” she moaned. “Concussions aren’t much fun.” Then she glanced up - and snorted. “Nice eyepatch, Red.”

 

“That’s it. I’m getting rid of it.”

 

“No, no! Keep it. It’s very dashing.”

 

“I’m putting you back in the pod.”

 

He turned to look over his shoulder, perhaps looking for a scrap of validation from Shiro,  _ see, she’s good, this is good, do you like her -  _

 

Shiro nodded distractedly. But he wasn’t really paying attention. Before long, he stared back down at the floor.

 

Keith swallowed down the sadness welling in him. Things would work out. Somehow. 


	10. Red Right Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: separation anxiety? also this is the end of my fic! thank you for reading! if you like this one you should read the Exiles series overall, although none of them are entirely needed to understand each other - yet.

She couldn’t sleep. That wasn’t abnormal; her internal clock seemed to be in constant disarray. But it did mean that when Shiro came to Keith’s door - as she’d known he would - she was waiting for him.

 

“You should leave him alone,” she said with no preamble, arms resting crossed over her chest where she leant in the doorway. She enjoyed the way he started in surprise, perhaps a little too much. 

 

“I…” He hesitated. “He wants to talk to me. I  _ know  _ he does.”

 

“We all want a lot of things.” Acxa’s eyes flickered to the piece of paper in Shiro’s hand. “You’re leaving.”

 

He didn’t respond. Acxa watched his fingers tighten on the communicator in his hand, and the piece of paper with it. Then, like he had to force the words out - “Yes.”

 

She couldn’t say she was surprised. Lotor had spent most of his life in exile, flitting in and out of whatever place was willing to hold him. Even his moments of being restored to Haggar and Zarkon’s grace had been temporary, foundations built on shifting sand - and as much as she had loved Lotor (still loved him, whispered the treacherous part of her mind, the part of her mind that wanted to follow Shiro back to where Lotor was hiding and find some way to make everything alright again) she could accept that his alliance with her and Narti and Ezor and Zethrid, too, had been part of that same shifting sand.

 

(Accept, perhaps. It didn’t make it hurt less. It didn’t make her forgive him.)

 

Shiro, though -

 

“Are you doing this because you want to?” she asked, watching his face and the shift of his eyes with probably too much care. “They just got you back.”

 

He took a halting breath. “I don’t know if they did. Keith -” A wry laugh wracked his chest. “He deserves better. I scared him. I scared  _ myself _ .”

 

Acxa wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She was an outsider, a stranger - and she couldn’t help the stab of jealousy at the regret in his voice. “I won’t stop you. But you’ll leave him alone. Understood?”

 

“I just wanted to give him this.”

 

The communicator and letter. Acxa suppose that was fair. She held out her hand, and Shiro put them both in there with a quiet sigh.

 

“You  _ could  _ stay,” she said quietly.

 

“I could.”

 

“But you won’t.”

 

“I doubt anything would change if I did.” Shiro’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not the person they want me to be. And I’m not sure I could be if I tried.”

 

“I wish you luck, then.”

 

“Thank you.” 

He turned and walked away. Acxa looked down the hallway after him, and caught sight of Lotor, lounging against the wall. He looked up at her, and for a second, Acxa thought she could see regret in his expression, and she thought she might believe it.

 

It was too little, too late. For now, at least. But maybe - maybe someday.

 

She opened the door into Keith’s room, and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Keith’s hand into hers. He was fast asleep, although half-murmured words fell from his lips, betraying that his sleep wasn’t as soundless as it seemed.

 

“What now?” she whispered. 

 

It was a question for tomorrow. But for the time being, she slid into bed next to him, pressed her face into his shoulder, and closed her eyes.


End file.
